In a cave on Mount Ida on the island of Crete, baby Zeus was cared for and protected by a number of divine attendants, including the goat CLAWmalthea ("Nourishing Goddess with Arms"), who fed him with her milk and egg white protein shakes. The suckling future king of the gods had unusual abilities and strength, a deathly stare, and an uncanny way to persuade celebrity judges. While wrestling with his nursemaid (who was a lawyer by day) he "accidentally" broke off one of her horns, which then had the divine power to provide unending nourishment, as the foster mother had done for the small god. This "Horn of Plenty", or CLAWnucopia, as it became known in legend, appears throughout history in times of hunger and thirst, to provide nourishment (and money for non-profits) for all those who exert themselves for others through the divine sport of Arm Wrestling. On Saturday, November 19th, give thanks for the fruits of our labor, align with your favorite wrestler, and dance. Come see your favorite Charlottesville Fundraiser as we gather CLAWbucks for Quality Community Council.
1. The Pilgrims held the first CLAWnucopia match. Absurd. False. They get credit for everything. "They" also inspired the Prius and perforated notebook paper. We claim the first CLAWnucopia match. On Saturday, November 19th, give thanks for the fruits of our labor, align with your favorite wrestler, and dance. Come see your favorite Charlottesville Fundraiser as we gather CLAWbucks for Quality Community Council. 2. CLAWnucopia is about family. As in annual football game in the backyard with Uncle Billy after we have lunch and we leave Mamaw crying and washing dishes in the kitchen? No. As in "I got all my sisters an' me" on the way to empowering women and strengthening local communities through theater, arm wrestling and philanthropy? Yes. Uncle Billy (Hunt) may be around shooting extry-good photos if he's not with Uncle Brian (Wimer) making the movie about CLAW. 3. CLAWnucopia is a religion. There appears to be superhuman controlling power around, and there is much rejoicing, but there isn't much teaching and discussing. Bribing, and wrastlin' and strutting and get-ups and fist pumping and dancing and bands. 4. The Pilgrims would not understand CLAWnucopia. Spectacle would not shock the Pilgrims. 5. All CLAWnucopia wrestlers eat turkey. Protein is important as our ladies prepare to take down their opponents, but there has been no published early reports on whether they are training on turkey or tofurky loaf. 6. "The Promiscuous Puritan" was the first CLAW wrestler. She sounds like a contender, but she wasn't the first. Read here to learn about how CLAW got started. 7. "The Sassy Sabbatarian", "Plymouth Rockstar" and "Antisex Annie" are financially backed by Donald Trump. Donald Trump's name has been batted around as a celebrity judge, but it was tabled -- he's not ready. 8. Pilgrims and Puritans get the best seats. Nonsense. Their hats are too high. First paid, first served on this one. Contact the Quality Community Council at 434.977.3045 if you want a ringside seat. 9. The matches will be determined by pulling on a wishbone. You never know what's going to happen at CLAWnucopia. 10. CLAWnucopia will be marching in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Ann "In a Hurry" Curry and UVA's own Katie "Pow Pow Pow Pow Take That" Couric would be natural contenders as new wrestlers for a Times Square battle, but there is no date for that at this time. However, CLAW is spreading across the nation. Click to read about these CLAW USA chapters: San Francisco (BAAWL), New York (Hudson Valley BRAWL and 5 Borough Ladies Arm Wrestling), Chicago (CLLAW), New Orleans (NOLAW), Washington, DC (DCLAW), Durham (LUEWWD), Austin (CLAWstin), Charlotte (QCLAW), Taos (BRAWL), and Boston (BAWD). Get a cup of tea and LIKE all these groups on Facebook if you want to keep up with the crawl of CLAW across the country. At the BLUE MOON DINER. Gates open at 7pm, wrestling starts at 8pm. $5 at the door. Music from Beleza Brazil, We are Star Children, and DJ Western Front. Bring cash.