$25 for seat alone

 
Flyer Design by Vu Nguyen

July 16, 2016: B.E. A Champion First Match of the 2016 Season We’re on the move this year and start our season off at Champion Brewery. Event starts at 8pm. Doors open at 7pm. For more information, and to stay up to date, follow the event on Facebbook. Click for Facebook Event

CLAWville, y'all are brave, strong, beautiful people! So many of you screaming crazies came out for Hot CLAW in the Summertime on June 21, and you probably came even though you knew the weather forecast was iffy and we didn't have no tent--or, make that, we DID have no tent. TENTLESS SUMMERTIME CLAW LOVIN'. Your courage was rewarded when the torrential rain arrived AFTER the match. WOOOT! I'm a witch, y'all, so I personally would have melted? Embarrassing...!!! And y'all are generous people! We know, onaccounta we were able to give Luna Cream $1,591.oo for support of their burgeoning local bidness. That's so freakin' awesome! THANK YOU! I could spend a lot of time painting you a vivid word picture of the match goings on, or I could punt and just paste in a bunch of actual pictures. And although I am a TOTAL WORD ARTIST, Imma just rely on the photo artistry of the estimable Rich Tarbell because it's hot and the futbol's on the telly in a bit. PRIORITIES. These here were the wrasslers: Afro-Dytee won the whole shebang, the wrasslin AND the audience favorite. We're not worthy!!! Ya seen the best, now here's the rest! From top, Sarah Painlin, Sailor Doom, Ringleader, Rainbow Fright, The Decomposer, Darth Mater, and poor ole Millertime, who tricked them into letting her wrestle, but did not find the fame and lifelong glory she was magical-thinking she would. 🙁 As always, the artistry, creativity, and crazy were at extremely high levels. Thanks so, so much to all the wrasslers for puttin' it way out there! Our last match of 2014 is on Saturday, August 23 at the Blue Moon Diner at 8pm. Y'all! Y'ALL! Don't miss it!!!!!!!

Hot DAMN! It's just about that time again, ladies n' germs n' gentlewomen n' friend boys n' bitches n' shy guys n' She Ra n' fruit loops n' EVERYBUGGY! What time is that, you ask? You're only asking because you haven't been paying attention, silly. It's CLLLLAAAAAAWWWWW TIIIIIIIIME!!! Tomorrow night! June 21! Blue Moon Diner! 8 pm! Under the stars! If it's under the clouds, we'll move the whole shebang inside old skool CLAW stylee! It's gonna be hot and happenin' and high times! SEE amazing wrasslers including but not limited to: Rainbow Fright! Darth Mater! Sailor Doom! Sarah Painlin! The Decomposer! Afro-Dytee! PLUS GREAT SURPRISES!!!!!!!!!! I MIGHT ALREADY KNOW ABOUT ONE OF THEM BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU GUYS BECAUSE SOOPRIIIIIIIZE! FOR YOU, ANYWAY! I ALREADY KNOW! I KNOW STUFF! FEEL moved to give the wrasslers all your money, and by extension our June beneficiary Luna Cream! Luna Cream is a local start-up owned by a rawkin' woman entrepreneur! Luna Cream pledges to give 10% of its profits to local nonprofits! Luna Cream is creamy dreamy goodness for your skin suit! Check it!!! TASTE the delicious vittles and cold, refreshing bevvies provided by the Blue Moon Diner! SMELL... I don't know what you'll smell. I personally tend to smell my lip gloss pretty strongly on account of it's smeared on my upper lip and that is geographically right below my nose. So. SMELL whatever is right below your nose! WHAT SENSE AM I ON NOW? I have lost track! Whatever! COME OUT to the Blue Moon Diner and have a rip roaring good time because it's CLAW and it's never not the funnest! See youse there and WRISTS UP! Photo by the talented Bud Branch.

C-ville in the summah! Humidity so thick you could eat it with a spoon on top of sugared raspberries. You take a shower because you're sweaty, sweat in the shower, get out and towel off, and keep right on sweating. You stand packed into a tent of shouting spectators, watching two fully costumed crazy ladies wrassle to the pain, cold beer sweating in one hand, sweaty CLAW bucks waving in the other. Summer is GOOD TIMES, y'all! No better times than summer! No summertime's complete without your CLAWs! We CLAWs are busy preparing for Hot CLAW in the Summertime, coming up Saturday, June 21 at 8 pm at the Blue Moon Diner. We're flexing! We're smack talking! We're running up and down steps! We're resting, because it's too hot for that shit! We're drinking our electrolytes! We're hula hooping, which is so much harder for us now than it was when we were kids! We're floating on pool floats with cold glasses of iced tea hahahaha yeah right we're at work! We're strutting in front of full-length mirrors modeling our various amazing costume ensembles! We're smizing and snarling and raising the roof at ourselves! We are looking FIERCE! You do not want to miss us! You especially do not want to miss out on supporting our June beneficiary, Luna Cream! Luna Cream is all-natural skin care made with just FOUR completely recognizable organic ingredients, and packaged in recyclable material. The company, founded and run locally, makes monthly donations of 10% of its profits to community non-profits. They aim to offer a product that is mindful of the earth, and conscious of our community. Luna Cream sez, "YOU GLOW GIRL!" You can getcher VIP seats for Hot CLAW in the Summertime at jean theory: on the Downtown Mall. What ARE VIP seats, you're wondering? They are only the best way to watch a CLAW match in comfort and style! You get to SIT DOWN. You get a great VIEW. Somebody brings you DRINKS. You don't have to interact with the HOI POLLOI. Unless that's the kind of thing you LIKE TO DO, then interact away! And they're also the very best way to support the beneficiary, so toodle on down to jean theory: and buy you some! And whilst you're toodling, be sure to swing by the Blue Moon Diner before June 21 to eat some bacon and check out Rich Tarbell's show Shadowy People from a Shadowy Planet: The CLAW Silhouettes. In the words of Olon Pills, Rich's marginal alter ego, "this exhibit debuts 30 French Basquesque contour lineations aggrandizing an ensemble of muliebrous combatants." So there ya go. Sample below! See youse soon! Or else!!! Wrists up!

It's been a coupla weeks, but I, for one, am still high as a kite on life thanks to CLAW'S your mom! All our love and gratitude to an enthusiastic crowd who came out, came on strong, and gave generously! We made $1,068 smackers for the good folks at The Wayside Center for Popular Education! Whuuuuut, I KNOW!!! NOT TOO SHABBY! Our celebrity judges, Andy Deane and Tony Lechmanski of Bella Morte, plus Jim Waive, celebrity judge FER LIFE, were especially awesomesauce! You guys put the bribe in bribery! Big thanks and mad love going out to Friend Of CLAW, the fabulous photog Rich Tarbell! (All photos in this post by Rich, bien sur.) Check out his badassery-in-general! Book him for your next extremely cool music show or event! And also check out Rich's CLAW'S your mom badassery-in-particular, where through the magic of photographs you can relive the match in all its whacked-out splendor. I've done it several times. Unless I owe you some kind of deliverable, in which case I have not looked at those pictures once, even though I suspect there may be some awfully awesome ones of moi yours truly, because discipline and time non-wasting! And now I leave you with this question, Clawville... Have you taken a Kegel Break today? See youse June 21 at 8pm at the Blue Moon Diner for the next CLAW, Hot CLAW in the Summertime, and we expect lady parts of STEEL!

Here comes Mother's Day, people. And even if you conveniently proclaim it a Hallmark Holiday and thus beneath you to celebrate, like certain highly-principled-around-this-topic husband-type people I could mention, but would never actually mention in this very public forum (his name's Rob) (not really) (psych) (ROB THIS MEANS YOU) (no, no, his name isn't Rob, but he knows who he is) (and "Rob", I could use a massage), you love your mom, or your baby mama, or maybe you love them but don't always like them, or maybe you don't love OR like them, but look. Here's what's up. Moms work hard. Look at you, you're a jerk. Your mom worked SO HARD on you. And that's what your baby mama is doing too--sweatin' it out. Motherhood's not for sissies. You should be appreciating the foxy mamas in your life, and you should be letting them know it. BUT HOW. You could do flowers and brunch, but honey, it's been done. You could do a gift certificate, but yawn. You could make her some window boxes and plant them with geraniums, and actually, that would be lovely, you should do that. But just in case that doesn't appeal, you know what you should REALLY do for the mom(s) in your life? Take 'em to CLAW's your mom on Mother's Day Eve. Bring lots of singles, let Mom bet on the wrasslin', buy her a brewski and a plate of french fries, HELL YOU MIGHT EVEN SPRING FOR A CLAW TEE SHIRT. Again, look at yourself. You're a douchenozzle. Redemption is the aim. For once in your miserable life, do something for Mom she's really going to enjoy. I mean, check out this line-up of wrestlers! AMAZE! See you and her at the Blue Moon Diner at 8 pm on May 10. Wrists up!!!

Did I get your attention? WAIT DON'T CLICK AWAY I'M JUST KIDDING THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT. Oh! Unless you do happen to be a mom who also wants to get her war on in a female-wrestling-type-format! Then you should stay! You should stay, and you should read on, and you should ask yourself what you're doing the night of Saturday, May 10, and you should tell yourself that whatever you were going to be doing, you should actually switch to be doing this instead, this being wrestling at CLAW with an entourage of your besties, raising money for a great cause and rocking the hell out of a fabulous alter-ego persona. Like, you could be Working Grrrrl if you're a working mom, and all your entourage peeps could be dressed like executives and then rip their suit coat sleeves off and flex, or you could be The Housefrau if you're a stay at home mom, and your entourage could be smoking cigarettes and wearing house dresses and slippers and foam curlers, or I'm just spitballing here because I think both of those might have already been done by other people? Anyway, this is not exclusive outreach to MOTHERS anyway, you don't have to have a kid or even like kids to like the stuffing out of wrassling. Point being, we're looking for a few good womyns to wrestle on May 10, and if you think you fit that description you should shoot us an email via our contact link and we will contact you back like lightning! POW! ZAP! Internet lightning! And if you're wavering, all like, "Well, I don't know, maybe I just want to couch sit that evening and catch up on back epis of Top Chef," you should check out our beneficiary for this match, which is the good folks fighting the good fight over at The Wayside Center for Popular Education. Look, you can learn all about them here: http://www.waysidecenter.org/about/ Motivating, am I right? Those people do more good in a week than I do in... Well, an embarrassingly long amount of time. Possibly a life-length amount. So. Anyhoodle. Gotta go. I'm a stay at home mom type, myself, and these bonbons aren't going to eat themselves, and plus I have a lot of US Weeklys to catch up on. Wrists up and peace out, peoples.

Hey yo, just posting from an early-1990's dance floor here. Kidding, I'm at The Lego Movie, haha I wasn't even ALIVE in the early 90's! Haha! Shut up it was not my high school graduation song I didn't even GO to high school. Wait, do over. I, your omniscient yet not explicitly identified narratrix, am misrepresenting the lovely females of CLAW, who are, to a woman, smarter and more edumicated than your average GED-havin' bear. Oh yeah, they're not just tough-ass asskickers and nametakers, they're also community builders and money raisers and creative hijinkerators. I'll prove it to you. If YOU happen to be an awesome lady who founded or co-founded a greater-Cville area cause or project, you can apply to be the beneficiary of one of CLAW's upcoming matches. Check out this handydandy page of info written by some other unidentified narratrix who was probably doing 100% less seat-dancing to 2 Unlimited. http://www.clawville.org/get-involved/charities/ See youse on the pitch May 10, 2014. I'll be the one making your ears bleed with my shrill limerick stylings unless we get those mic levels adjusted and/or I am not sucking Ready Whip cans anymore. WRISTS UP.

You all. We are trying to raise some monies here. And by "here" I mean that link to CLAW USA's Indigogo campaign to make Super CLAW 2 happen. Here are things to do:

1. go look at the above link. (Bonus hysterical video!)
2. give whatever you haven't given for disaster relief. (I know, I know, arm wrestling, even for charity, pales sort of hugely in the light of natural disasters, so do both, please.)
3. tell everyone you know about CLAW USA's fund drive; you know, use ye olde FB and/or the Twitter and/or other social media of your choice.
4. tell everyone you know again - twice is better than once, right? Right.

 

Come on down, y'all. It's CLAW and we're too big to fail. Forty-eight hours from right now-ish, the last arm wrestling event of 2013 will begin and you don't want to miss it. Bring yourself and all your people and your wallet with which to bet and bribe. We'll be there and we want you. Who's who this go-round?

• Malice in Wonderland
• Warren BLUFF-it and His Corporate Raiders
• The Box of Suggestion
• La Dulce Muerte
• Scarilyn Monroe
• Bergina the Bulge
• Prideina Amore Maharis
• Edmunda Sleazerhands

This is a line up that promises an amazing night of Real Live Arm Wrestling! Don't miss it! CLAW: Too Big To Fail Saturday, August 24th 8 pm (gate opens at 7 pm) Blue Moon Diner Proceeds to benefit CNE    

In serious preparation for Saturday's up coming wrestling match, some women (Ladies? Well...nah.) from CLAW took a little trip over the mountain to provide half-time entertainment for our friends the Charlottesville Derby Dames. Now, the Dames are old friends of CLAW, having provided us with many a good wrestler as well as being our go-to for security, so we didn't think twice about strapping on our regulation-strength wrestling table and heading to Fishersville for Virginia is for Shovers. There was a little wrestling, there was a little sword swallowing, there was a bed of nails.... You know, our usual deal. It looked a lot like this: And a little like this: Want to see more? Saturday 8/24/13 at the Blue Moon Diner. Gate at 7, wrestling at 8.

You can't keep a good arm down now, can you? Well, actually, that's the entire point - keeping a good arm down. Or a bad arm. The good arm ends up on top. Right. It's been the weirdest summer ever here in cville: too hot, too humid, too cold, too rainy and we are going to wrap it up for you with a CLAW that is TOO BIG TO FAIL. Just like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play! No, wait. It's CLAW - we are all winners! This round we are wrestling in support of Center for Nonprofit Excellence (that's CNE to you, buster) and, wow, are they an Everybody Wins sort of group. So come to The Blue Moon Diner on Saturday, August 24th so we can all win! Gate opens at 7 pm, wrestling starts at 8 pm. Five dollars gets you in and puts five CLAWbucks in your hot little hand so you can throw some money at your favorite wrestler or bribe an official or a celebrity judge. More CLAWbucks are available throughout the event at the current exchange rate of 1.00. Vote early and often with your wallet!  

Spring has sprung! Let's spread the fever. Join us for the opening season of CLAW! 8 wacky wrestlers will compete to raise money for our beneficiary, as well as entertain you! This time around, we are raising funds for the new kids in the neighborhood, Common Grounds Healing Arts! $5 gets you in the door, with CLAWbucks for betting. There will be TWO djs, Wolfboy and Powhatan, for your musical enjoyment and boogie pleasure! If you've never been, here's your chance! If you are already a fan, get ready for the 2013 season!

Charlottesville is the proud home of the first theatrical, philanthropic ladies arm wrestling league, CLAW (Charlottesville Lady Arm Wrestlers), founded in 2008. Originally an idea that sprang from a joke between friends, the ladies arm wrestling phenomenon has spread to 16 cities so far and captured the attention of the New YorkTimes, the Guardian, Washington Post, MORE Magazine, and Penthouse, to name a few. On June 16th, Charlottesville will host the inaugural championship, SuperCLAW, featuring a face-off between women from the first 8 leagues. Arm-warriors from Charlottesville, DC, New Orleans, Kingston, Brooklyn, Austin, Chicago, and Durham will compete for the Cape de CLAW and a large cash prize to donate back to their communities. Here's the lineup: PLEASE GO TO THE CLAWUSA website to check out full bios of the wrestlers and the organizations they're fightin' for! 1. Austin: Pain Fonda (wrestling for Community Yoga Austin) 2. Brooklyn: Cop-ophelia (wrestling for Center for Anti-Violence education) 3. Charlottesville: The Homewrecker (wrestling for A FERTILE Foundation) 4. Chicago: Armageddon (wrestling for Sideshow Theater Company) 5. DC: TBD (wrestling for Ladies Auxiliary of the American Legion Post 8 ) 6. Durham: The Dirty Butcher (wrestling for Durham Crisis Response Center) 7. Hudson Valley: Heather Weizen (wrestling for Family Planning Advocates) 8. New Orleans: Sistah Mary Slammer (wrestling for Hagar’s House, a transitional home for women and children in New Orleans ) There will be exhibition wrestling & shenanigans from other leagues & musical performances from We Are Star Children and BETTY. Get tickets now: http://www.jeffersontheater.com/superclaw or wait for... Pay-What-You-Can tickets, which will be available at the door the night of the event on a first-come, first-served basis.

Shot and edited by Billy Hunt and featuring the wonderful music of the Birdlips, The Homewrecker gives a modern girl some simple instructions on how to live a good life, a happy life...a fulfilling life. CLAW, this Saturday, March 24 at Blue Moon Diner. General admission tickets are $5 and available at the door. There are a few ringside seats ($75) left. Please email Malaina Poore at malaina@vocalvirginia.org or call 434.243.7878 ext. 22 to make reservations.  Doors open at 7 p.m., wrastlin' starts at 8 p.m.

UPCOMING CLAW.......MARCH 24, 2012

At the BLUE MOON DINER.  Gates open at 7pm, wrestling starts at 8pm. $5 at the door. Music from Pantherburn, TJ Kong & the Atomic Bomb and DJ Western Front. Bring cash.  There are ringside seats available.  Please contact Malaina Poore at Malaina@VocalVirginia.org (434)243-7878 ext 22 (888)771-2030.

Recently, I asked some CLAW wrastlers what they LOVED about CLAW. Here's what they had to say:

Many thanks to Billy Hunt for the incredible photography here.

Bree Luck ("Stiletto Southpaw") What I love about CLAW is: 1. Powerful women raising powerful funding for small, strong organizations that pack a powerful punch for our community. 2. Getting to wrassle with women from all walks of life in Charlottesville. I admire their strength, their style, and their soul. 3. Having the excuse to make the transformation from stressed out mom/schoolmarm to a badass superhero once in a while. 4. It gets me to the gym. Mendy St.Ours ("Tropical Depression"): What I love most is embracing absurdity, hilarity, extremities, and vulgarity for one night every three months. Giving women, who are always the responsible ones, the anchors for the dreamers, the nest-guardians, one night to SSSCCCCRRREEEEAAAAMMMMMMM!!!! Edwina Herring "Jamaican Mafia": I love so many things about it. I like that it combines visceral thrills with theatrical elements... I love the causes they support. Miller Murray Susen ("Miller Time"): I loved when I started wrestling with CLAW that very few people knew who I "really" was, and I could totally escape into a freewheeling, larger-than-my-life alter ego--leave the frantic tedium of housewifery behind for a few supercharged hours. Of course, by now I've been outed as a frumpy housefrau, but the community has grown so close-knit and supportive that I still feel safe acting out and stirring it up. I'm as "sexy" and cuckoo as I wanna be, just for the magical evening. In short, when a CLAW's going on, there's no place in Cville I'd rather be spending time. Tara Bobara ("Pit Bull"): What do I love about CLAW? I love the fact that I can participate in something so simple that raises so much money and consciousness, and does so much good in the community. I love the fact that I can come out and be something that I'm not, and be appreciated in all of my gaudy, contradictory weirdness, just as much as I am appreciated in my real life and my real persona. I love the fact that women are so powerful in so many different ways, and that CLAW is a celebration of all of them. The mental, the physical, the passionate, the creative, the communal forces of divine womanhood are all represented in CLAW. Because it bears repeating:  UPCOMING CLAW.......MARCH 24, 2012...at the BLUE MOON DINER.  Gates open at 7pm, wrestling starts at 8pm. $5 at the door. Music from Pantherburn, TJ Kong & the Atomic Bomb and DJ Western Front. Bring cash.  There are ringside seats available.  Please contact Malaina Poore at Malaina@VocalVirginia.org (434)243-7878 ext 22 (888)771-2030.

NEXT CLAW: MARCH 24, 2012 AT THE BLUE MOON DINER AT 8 PM. BE THERE. Since 2008, Billy Hunt and Brian Wimer have been helping to create, produce, edit and promote the upcoming matches of CLAW. Here's a little video retrospective. Move over Rocky and your raw eggs. Stiletto Southpaw takes us through her morning ritual to prepare for taking on The Punctuator. CLAW recruitment video...and people say wrastlers don't get discovered in diners over veggie burgers anymore... The music video that re-inspired adding pogo stick riding (and van rocking) to the 2012 Summer Olympics Ah...the girls...check out the promo for CLAWNEY ISLAND: Intimate counseling footage of Nurse Cheryl getting some long-awaited mental help:

1.  The Pilgrims held the first CLAWnucopia match. Absurd.  False.  They get credit for everything.  "They" also inspired the Prius and perforated notebook paper.  We claim the first CLAWnucopia match.  On Saturday, November 19th, give thanks for the fruits of our labor, align with your favorite wrestler, and dance.  Come see your favorite Charlottesville Fundraiser as we gather CLAWbucks for Quality Community Council. 2.  CLAWnucopia is about family. As in annual football game in the backyard with Uncle Billy after we have lunch and we leave Mamaw crying and washing dishes in the kitchen?  No.  As in "I got all my sisters an' me" on the way to empowering women and strengthening local communities through theater, arm wrestling and philanthropy?  Yes.  Uncle Billy (Hunt) may be around shooting extry-good photos if he's not with Uncle Brian (Wimer) making the movie about CLAW. 3.  CLAWnucopia is a religion. There appears to be superhuman controlling power around, and there is much rejoicing, but there isn't much teaching and discussing.  Bribing, and wrastlin' and strutting and get-ups and fist pumping and dancing and bands. 4.  The Pilgrims would not understand CLAWnucopia. Spectacle would not shock the Pilgrims. 5.  All CLAWnucopia wrestlers eat turkey. Protein is important as our ladies prepare to take down their opponents, but there has been no published early reports on whether they are training on turkey or tofurky loaf. 6.  "The Promiscuous Puritan" was the first CLAW wrestler. She sounds like a contender, but she wasn't the first.  Read here to learn about how CLAW got started. 7.  "The Sassy Sabbatarian", "Plymouth Rockstar" and "Antisex Annie" are financially backed by Donald Trump. Donald Trump's name has been batted around as a celebrity judge, but it was tabled -- he's not ready. 8.  Pilgrims and Puritans get the best seats. Nonsense.  Their hats are too high.  First paid, first served on this one.  Contact the Quality Community Council at 434.977.3045 if you want a ringside seat. 9.  The matches will be determined by pulling on a wishbone. You never know what's going to happen at CLAWnucopia. 10.  CLAWnucopia will be marching in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Ann "In a Hurry" Curry and UVA's own Katie "Pow Pow Pow Pow Take That" Couric would be natural contenders as new wrestlers for a Times Square battle, but there is no date for that at this time.  However, CLAW is spreading across the nation.  Click to read about these CLAW USA chapters: San Francisco (BAAWL), New York (Hudson Valley BRAWL and 5 Borough Ladies Arm Wrestling), Chicago (CLLAW), New Orleans (NOLAW), Washington, DC (DCLAW), Durham (LUEWWD), Austin (CLAWstin), Charlotte (QCLAW), Taos (BRAWL), and Boston (BAWD).  Get a cup of tea and LIKE all these groups on Facebook if you want to keep up with the crawl of CLAW across the country. At the BLUE MOON DINER.  Gates open at 7pm, wrestling starts at 8pm. $5 at the door. Music from Beleza Brazil, We are Star Children, and DJ Western Front. Bring cash.

In a cave on Mount Ida on the island of Crete, baby Zeus was cared for and protected by a number of divine attendants, including the goat CLAWmalthea ("Nourishing Goddess with Arms"), who fed him with her milk and egg white protein shakes. The suckling future king of the gods had unusual abilities and strength, a deathly stare, and an uncanny way to persuade celebrity judges. While wrestling with his nursemaid (who was a lawyer by day) he "accidentally" broke off one of her horns, which then had the divine power to provide unending nourishment, as the foster mother had done for the small god. This "Horn of Plenty", or CLAWnucopia, as it became known in legend, appears throughout history in times of hunger and thirst, to provide nourishment (and money for non-profits) for all those who exert themselves for others through the divine sport of Arm Wrestling. On Saturday, November 19th, give thanks for the fruits of our labor, align with your favorite wrestler, and dance.  Come see your favorite Charlottesville Fundraiser as we gather CLAWbucks for Quality Community Council.

At the BLUE MOON DINER.  Gates open at 7pm, wrestling starts at 8pm. $5 at the door. Music from Beleza Brazil, We are Star Children, and DJ Western Front. Bring cash.