So February 14th is V-day, right? Right. Because Valentine’s Day is for suckers. And y’all know about The One Billion Rising, right? Right. (If not, then go educate yourself and then come back. We’ll wait.) Well, because CLAW is anti-violence – contrary to what you might think, what with the wrestling and all – a mess of wrestlers are “creating a VIRTUAL DANCE PARTY”. The party starts here and goes on and on. And on. (ETA: you can follow the whole chain on ol’ FB here or track it through Twitter.)
The Empire was lucky enough to get to ask some of our wrestlers a true handful of questions, drawing forth telling and revealing (telling *and* revealing!) answers, giving you, sweet loves, a special, inside perspective on their usually very private lives. Imagine it: The Empire and her dear friends – Foxxy Cleopatra, MoJo, Miller Time and Schoolmarm – all cozily ensconced in rich leather arm chairs, the fire cracking on some cold February night, our single malt scotches close at hand…. Wait. Maybe that’s The Empire’s personal fantasy. Let’s us just cut to the chase, yes? Yes.
The Empire: What else would you be, if you weren’t a Lady Arm Wrestler rising for One Billion Rising?
Foxxy Cleopatra: I’d be just a plain ol’ squirrel trying to get a nut aka a boring, lame doctoral student using my claw to write my way out of U.Va!
MoJo: I’d be doing an instructional ‘How To’ video on The Cabbage Patch or Running Man. I’d been needing an excuse to dance on the internet…and this was a much more important cause than my simple-minded ego, which seems to be stuck somewhere between 1986 and 1989.
Miller Time: Queen of the World. Oh wait, that’s a lifetime appointment, so I guess I am simultaneously that.
Schoolmarm: I will not be doing one billion rising. I do not want my passion for beating children to be curtailed. I beat both boys and girls equally, so I don’t see it as a sexist issue.
TE: How will you use your 15 minutes of fame brought on by rising with CLAW for One Billion Rising?
FC: Oh my! There’s fame involved? In that case, I’ll be shaking my money making rump shaker even harder.
MJ: Drop everything and hang out with Ellen Degeneres as soon as she calls.
MT: It’s hard to imagine being famouser? I’ll probably spend 13 minutes of it wrasslin’ paparazzi, and 2 minutes of it eating diamonds.
SM: I won’t be doing One Billion Rising. I’m head of detention this millenium.
TE: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Next week?
FC: So many questions….What do I look like a magic 8 ball to you? Skip/Pass!
MJ: Still dancing.
MT: 5 years: Empress of the World. 10 years: After fall from grace, Fancy Bum. Next week: Watching The Bachelor while soaking in a tub of royal jelly and texting with Taylor Swift, the usual.
SM: Behind my desk. Grading papers. With a red pen.
TE: How often do you dream?
MJ: I never remember them – so I think rarely.
MT: My life is a lurid waking dream. Excuse me, I need to change my pants.
SM: Dreams are for people less disciplined than I.
TE: Do you have anything special to say to your fans?
FC: Besos and abrazos!
MJ: Watch out for Reverend MoJo, she’s rising!
MT: Stay in school. Do drugs, but keep it on the DL. Be sure to use your foam roller for IT band complaints. Sugar kills.
SM: Your 500 word essay is due in the morning.